And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
