Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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