my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
