Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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