My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
