she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
