I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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