i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
