Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
