Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
