I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
