If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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