What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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