dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
