Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
