but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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