its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
