The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
