before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
