we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
