he looks like a really good dad on facebook
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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