You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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