I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
