So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
