she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
cat food counts as protein by the way
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
