well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
