his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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