Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
