You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
