I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
