I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
