I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
