Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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