Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
