I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
