We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
