Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
