Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
