he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
