Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
