don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
