i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
