RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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