I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
