i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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