they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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