We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
