So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors