is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
