I want to have your abortion
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up