Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
