and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
