I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.