I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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