No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
