bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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