im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
