there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
