What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
