Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
