this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
