What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
