OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
