I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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