Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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