We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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