I smell stomach acid.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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