You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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