are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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