Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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