is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
