He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
