You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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