As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
